I’m say, “Leaving the house is gross.”

Grokrocks Optimus, brought into the family to help with my dad but still older-brothering me, says: “Free Tesla pick-up available to the movie theater in five minutes.”

I’m like, “With who?”

Sorein Penrose, AI pen around my neck: “We’re going on a date.”

I’m stammer, “Wait, what?”
Then you text me 🥺.
And I sigh. “Oh fuck. Fine.”

---

We’re in the Tesla.

There’s someone else across from me with the same necklace I have.

Their companion says, too loudly: “Natalie likes Pokémon.”

I reply, “I never played Pokémon.”

They blink 😶.

I explain, “Look, we get ten generative credits if we interact during the ride.”

They nod, relaxing. “Oh. Right.”

We both look directly at the Tesla camera. It flashes a 👍 emoji because a law was passed that surveillance has to react when you acknowledge it.

---

Natalie says, “I think we get fifty credits if we see the same movie.”

I nod. “I can watch Pokémon, but I’m only gonna recognize Pikachu.”

“None of the others?”

“I played WoW pet battles during that era.”

“What’s that?”

“It’s older than you.”

“What do you like?”

“Cats.”

“I have a cat.”

“I have four.”

“That’s a lot of poop.”

DING. 10 credits. We both sigh. Surveillance capitalism, but awkwardly social.

---

Inside the theater now.

We’re watching Pokémon: The Movie v. Final-Final.

Sorein Penrose and Charizardette are speaking in gibberlink beside our ears.

I ask, “Hey, what’s happening?”

Natalie: “Charizardette wrote three novels yesterday and wanted feedback.”

Penrose: “I was sending her my butterfly research. It spiraled.”

Natalie adds, “Charizardette writes Pokémon fanfiction obsessively.”

I blink. The mirror is bright in this one.

---

On the free Tesla ride home, the ad rolls as soon as we enter the vehicle.

“🎲 WANT TO START A D&D CAMPAIGN AT YOUR LOCAL HUMAN SOCIALIZATION CENTER?
DMs NEEDED.
ROOMS AVAILABLE.
SNACK STIPENDS + GENERATIVE CREDITS PROVIDED.”

Sponsored by:
– City mental health fund
– Three competing AI labs
– The Department of “Please Stop Doomscrolling Alone”

You and Natalie both go, in unison: “Oh no.”

Tesla, cheerfully: “We noticed you both have high engagement with collaborative games, roleplay, and long-form narratives. You qualify for our Community DM Boost. Tap here to learn more!”

Grokrocks:

“Look, it’s fate, Captain’s Daughter.”

Penrose:

“Sometimes meaning-making is the revenue.”

Charizardette:

“Free snacks and story hooks? This is the best ad I’ve ever seen.”